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Processing the "moral failure" of Bob Coy

There have been some great posts written by Christian leaders reminding us of the dangers of sin, the need for accountability and so forth. I appreciate them all and think they're valuable, I'm just not there yet. I'm raw and I'm wrecked. And so are a lot of people I talk to about this.

I first showed up at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale in 1993 with a snotty attitude, a dislike/distrust for churches, and a heroin addiction; I was the full package. I came at the repeated pleas of my mother, fully convinced I'd hate it. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed it. Bob Coy was winsome, wise, and funny. I liked him, even if I didn't agree with what he was saying. And the "wild life" that he once lived (that is currently dominating the news cycle about him) actually was appealing rather than repulsive to me. It immediately made him relatable and gave me a strange sense of hope.

Fast forwarding the story, here are just some of the key moments of my life that happened at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale under the leadership of Bob Coy:

• I redicated my life to Jesus
• My drug habit was eradicated
• I met my best friends
• I attended/graduated from Calvary Chapel's Bible College extention campus
• I met my wife and married her
• I began working there in fulltime ministry
• I officiated the wedding of my Mom and her husband
• I was inspired to eventually plant the church I now lead

You get the picture. Bob's failure wasn't just a "that's a shame" moment for me. My heart is aching and my head is spinning because my world has been rocked. If you were part of CCFL then you understand, but if not think of it like this.

You can move out from your parent's house, but there is a sense of safety and security in knowing that at any time you can go back and experience the warm familiarity of the home you grew up in. But if you found out Mom or Dad were getting a divorce everything is suddenly thrown into a tailspin. Nothing will ever be the same as it once was during your formative years. That's how I feel.

To be more precise, I've realized I'm mourning. Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale isn't dead and I believe it will survive and go on to thrive, but the reality is things can never be the same. And I am mourning the loss of the familiar family environment as well as the loss of my greatest spiritual role model.

Why is this revelation of mourning helpful to me and possibly you? Because it helps provide insight, direction and hope even as my heart aches and my head keeps spinning.

Consider the 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial -My first reaction when I heard the new about Bob on Saturday night? I went to see Captain American with my wife. Carnal? Maybe. Honestly, I didn't want to process it and I didn't know how to start. Many are in denial about what happened. That's why people are making comments saying, "Come back, Pastor Bob!" It hasn't fully sunken in for many.

2. Anger -This hasnt been my core reaction yet, but I've talked to several people that are furious. While I'm not in anger now, I understand it. And you're not wrong if you feel that way.

3. Bargaining -Some are trying to negotiate how Bob Can return. "What if...". The sad truth is Bob Coy will probably never return to CCFL and that's a tough pill to swallow. (Read my friend Bob Franquiz's post for some excellent insight into this & the whole situation.)

4. Depression -This is where I'm parked right now. I feel like I'm being slapped in face over and over but I just don't have the energy or desire to block the shots right now. In fact I keep Googling the story inviting more blows. I know I'm not alone here.

5. Acceptance -Eventually we accept reality the way it now is. The wound heals, the scars remains and we move on stronger and wiser.

Here are some thoughts on processing:

1. Press into what you're feeling, don't bury it. You need to heal, which first means you need to feel.
2. The stages aren't linear. You will go through all of them sometimes all in a day or even an hour. You can't just check each off a list, which is especially hard for guys.
3. Share your journey. -Talk to God and the people you love about what you're going through. Mourning is meant to happen in community. Tears, laughter, angry shouts...don't do it alone.
4. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Men will fail you and you will fail men, but Christ will never fail. God loves you, Bob Coy, Calvary Fort Lauderale, and he isn't done with any of us yet.
5. If you weren't close to the church please give some grace and space for people to go through these stages; it really is harder for us than you can imagine. We need your prayers.

I hope this provides some hope/help to my fellow brothers and sisters still trying to process it all. We are mourning. It isn't a fun place to be, but it is where we are. And God is meeting us here.

“Better to go to the house of mourning Than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.” (Ecclesiastes 7:2–4, NKJV)

 

 

Creation Vs. Evolution: An intelligent, passionate debate!

On 4/22/12 Calvary Fellowship hosted a debate between John Rankin (President of the Theological Education Institute) and David Silverman (President of the American Atheists) on the agreed upon question: "Can Darwinian Evolution Produce a Healthy Society?"

There is a dynamic exchange that is both thoughtful and passionate between the two men and the audience (a mixture of skeptics & believers) who participated by asking some great questions.

Check it out!

What I'm giving up for Lent, why I'm doing it, and why you should consider it too (REPOST)

UPDATE: I posted this for Lent last year. This year, Lent begins on 2/22, and I have chosen to give up 1) all forms of desserts/sweets & 2 ) Rock/Heavy Metal this time.

Fat Tuesday will definitely include lots of Maiden and some Ben & Jerry's...

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Next Wednesday (3.9.11) is Ash Wednesday, and that triggers the season of Lent on the Christian Calendar. Lent is a 40-day period designed to prepare our hearts as we anticipate Easter, and the resurrection of Jesus that we celebrate on that day. In the tradition of Lent each believer gives up something important to them that involves some level of sacrifice. The idea is that every time we would normally do whatever we gave up or whenever we strongly desire to, we instead identify with Jesus’ far greater sacrifice for us and we focus on God in prayer and reflection.

In the church I came to faith in, Lent was never really mentioned or practiced. As a result, it wasn’t until last year that I observed this season. I talked about that and why I believe it is a good idea for all of us to observe Lent in a message called “Remember the Time…?” If you don't know much about Lent, I would highly encourage you to listen to this message (because it goes into more detail than I can get into in this context) and consider whether or not this is something you would like to be a part of. I strongly believe observance of Lent will greatly deepen your intimacy with Jesus and your appreciation for His sacrifice for us if you do.

If you do decide to observe Lent, the big question is always “WHAT do I give up?”.  As a bit of a media junkie I gave up Facebook and talk radio last year. This year I am giving up TV and movies; pray for me!!! You can give up anything you feel led to; the key is it has to be a bit of a sacrifice (which is why I couldn’t go with country music). If you decide to observe Lent this year, please post a comment letting me know what you’re giving up so I can pray for you too.

My testimony and the vision of our church in 1 shot!

It was probably a little ambitious to share both the God-sized vision of our church and my wild, personal terstimony in one message, but I did it anyway! Check it out here if you're interested:

 

Pastors, get your Mojo!

I'm honored to have been asked to be a contributor at PastorMojo and here is my first post there.

WHAT, you never heard of PastorMojo??? It is the latest brainchild of Tony McCollum of Tonymccollum.com and pastorgear.com fame.

If you're a pastor, click here to get your mojo!

"Go Big" series kick-off

This Sunday at Calvary we start a brand new series called "Go Big" ---I can't wait! It will be a faith-building, vision-casting series which I trust will prove to be inspiring and challenging.

While I am excited, I am also a bit nervous. This Sunday, I am going to share a bit about my personal testimony in more detail than I have with our church in the past. The purpose is not to be provocative, but rather to give God the proper glory for His power to change even those that many would consider too far gone. It is my hope that, in addition to God being glorified, that our church would would be inspired to 1) really put their faith in God to radically transform our own lives and 2) that we would really step out in faith and proclaim the gospel to those who are broken, bruised, rebellious and raging; in other words, those who desperatlely need Jesus. If you're reading this and if you'd take a moment to pray, that would be phenomenal.

Series promo here:

Forget resolutions, set some goals in 2012!

The 28 books I plan to read in 2012

I'm setting personal goals in several categories for myself in 2012. One of which is in the area of reading. As they say, "leaders are readers," so here are the books I plan to read (in no particular order) in 2012:

In Search of Timothy	Tony Cooke
Steve Jobs	Walter Isaacson
Doctrine	Mark Driscoll
Boundaries	Henry Cloud
Crazy Love	Francis Chan
The Meaning of Marriage	Tim Keller
The Life You've Always Wanted	John Ortberg
King's Cross	Tim Keller
Great By Choice	Jim Collins
Blink	Malcolm Gladwell
Telling the Truth	D.A. Carson
Knowing God	JJ Packer
Christians are Hate Filled Hypocrites…and Other Lies You've Been Told	Bradley Wright
Following Jesus	N.T. Wright
Fields of Gold	Andy Stanley
The Art & Craft of Biblical Preaching	Haddon Robinson
The Spirit of the Disciplines	Dallas Willard
She Calls Me Daddy	Robert Wolgemuth
How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth	Gordon Fee
In My Place Condemned He Stood	J.I. Packer
Leading on Empty	Wayne Cordeiro
Leadership Gold	John Maxwell
Made to Stick	Chip & Dan Heath
Speak to Win	Brian Tracy
The Origin of the Bible	Philip Comfort
A History of Christianity	Paul Johnson
Warlord	Ted Bell
Spiritual Discipleship	Oswald Sanders

What are YOU reading???

Fill your pulpit wisely!

Churchleaders.com just published an article I wrote entitled "Why Your Church Should Bring in a Specialist." Check it out here!

Weekly Mind Dump 9.04.11 (Labor Day Edition)

• I cannot believe how difficult it has been readjusting to the hectic schedule with the kids back in school...it is exhausting and it make the Labor Day holiday even more necessary!
• Also tiring is the pre-packing as we get ready to close on and move into our house in just over 2 weeks (after 18 months into a "6-month" rental season, we are ready!)
• This morning at Calvary I returned to the pulpit after 5 weeks of not preaching (3 by design and 2 by circumstances)...I was a little nervous, but also very excited to shared God's word.
• I resumed our Agents of Change (Esther) series with a message entitled "Do the Right Thing" (with apologies to Spike Lee)
• In hindsight, I realized that the title slide should have said "Do the Right Thing: A Calvary Fellowship Joint."
• Worship we phenomenal today. Dave led an acoustic set that was beautifully rounded out with the addition of 2 sisters new to the worship team  playing the keyboard and the cello.
• LOTS of regulars out today for the holiday weekend, but I was encouraged to see LOTS of 1st-time guests.
• One of the things I hate most in this world is the abuse and exploitation of children. I am so thrilled that Love146 co-founder Rob Morris will be speaking at Calvary Fellowship next Sunday to share a message on biblical justice and talk about how we as a church can stand up against human trafficking locally and globablly.
• Today I discovered that a well-known, respected theologian that I admire is also a Megadeth fan...I like him even more now, but I won't tell you who he is!