BillLaMorey.com

Why we don't permit children in our adult worship service

Recently, I've read two artices in which two pastors for whom I have great respect and admiration blasted churches that do not allow children in their adult Sunday morning service. I disagree with them.

I have no problem with pastors/churches that choose to allow children into their services. My problem is when the issue is positioned as a matter of theology rather than methodolgy. For example, most people that let kids in the sanctuary use a verse like this "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14).  Great verse and a great reminder that we should always bring kids closer to Jesus, but unless your pastor is Jesus, then this verse doesn't really apply! As a pastor you teach about Jesus (hopefully), but so do other environments in your church.

Again, I don't see a scriptural mandate for either method, but I do believe this verse tells us we need to build bridges and remove barriers for kids to come to Jesus. So a church has to decide which policies best do that.  Here a are a few reason we believe our policy of not allowing kids into the sanctuary is more effective at bringing kids and adults to Jesus:

1. Children learn at their level -Appropriate topics are given at appropriate ages and presented in appropriate methods for their particular stage of development.
2. Children like church -How many people do you meet that say they hate church because their parents forced them and it was boring? Why do that to your kids? Don't you want them to learn about Jesus AND enjoy it?
3. It allows parents to worship/learn undistracted -Our conviction is that the parent is more responsible for the spiritual development of a child than the church, so we need to make sure parents are being edified and encouraged in God's word. This is much easier when they're not trying to keep their children pacified or entertained during service.
4. It allows people throughout the service, both seekers and disciples alike, to focus on the experience rather than being distracted by crying, fussing or bored kids. (This is especially challenging in our meeting space which has great acoustics and carries every sound with crystal clarity.)
5. It frees the pastor to discuss "adult" topics without having to filter things for young ears. I don't mean this allows me to cuss, but it does allow me to discuss serious things like sex without having kids hear things they are not ready for yet.

So many people in our church have told us how thankful they are for this policy, but a small minority don't like it (you can't make everyone happy). Tomorrow I'll discuss some very intentional things we do to make this work for us.

Weekly Mind Dump 5.30.11 (Memorial Day edition)

• Yesterday I practiced last week's posts on resting by taking yesterday off from preaching.
• Nicholas went back and covered the 3rd commandment in a message entitled "I Love You Just the Way You Are"
• I took the opportunity to bring my family to a church in Bethel I had heard a lot about; Walnut Hill Community Church. What a great church! If I lived down there, that's probably where I'd go to church.
• Since we were almost in New York state, we continued down and went all the way down to New York City. It was the first time we've brought our girls there. They were a bit overwhelmed (who isn't the first time there?) but they described the experience as "awesome" so I think it was a success.
• My father served in Vietnam and my grandfather served in the Korean War. I did not serve in the military so I suppose I am a slacker, but I am truly grateful for those who have served.
• Over 1 million men & women have died defending our freedom since our country began. Over 1.5 million people actively serve in the military now. On this Memorial Day I am thankful for their sacrifices and thinking of their families who have also sacrficed more than we could ever know.
• I am also so thankful to Jesus who sacrificed His life to free me from the tyrannical forces of sin and death. I don't deserve the life He has given me, but I am so thankful for it.
• I look forward to blogging about our controversial kids' policies at church this week.

Resting takes hard work

This week I've been exploring some thoughts on rest. Here is a final one: You might actually have to work harder before you can truly rest. Here are a few things that you can do that will require extra work now but will allow you to rest more (as well as have many other positive benefits) later:

• Train other people -We have to develop people around us. If everything has to be done by you, you will limit the potential of whatever you lead, frustrate others around you and wear yourself out. Many don't take the time to train others because it is quicker to do a task yourself. True, in the short term but false and foolish in the long run.
• Delegate -Once someone has been properly trained you have to actually releases tasks/assignments/responsibility/authority to them. Letting go can be very challenging internally, but for their sake, your sake and the sake of the organization, you have to do it!
• Systematize -If things can't function well in your absence you are a poor leader. You may be a good worker, but not a good leader. The sign of a good leader is how things run when you are NOT there. So you need to take the time, energy and thought to create understandable, executable systems that function as intended, and make sure everyone understands and follows the system.  

Sidebar on this: You don't have to create your own systems from scratch. For example, if you want a good assimilation system, check out Nelson Searcy's. If you want a good New Believer system check out Bob Franquiz's. And if you want a great accounting system, check out what I offer.

The bottom line is that many pastors aren't ready to really rest because they haven't done the hard work it takes to be able to do it. Once you have, you are ready to rest because you'll be fully confident that everything is going to be just fine without you. So get out of town, travel, play, rest, have a good time. You've worked hard, and you deserve it!

 

Pastor, get over your messiah complex and your people pleasing!

Continuing yesterday's thoughts about learning to say no to other's requests for your time when necessary (so that we can get our calendar under control and get proper rest):

Awhile ago I sat across from a man in our church who said something like, "I just think ministry is a 24/7 job and you need to always be available to people in the church." I thanked him for his opinion and told the man that Jesus is available to the church 24/7 but I am not (I seem to recall even Jesus retreating too during his earthly ministry by the way). I explained that my primary ministry is to my wife and my kids, and they get my time first when I'm not "at work."

I've met many pastors/church leaders who have a hard time dealing with the expectations of others such as the one of the man I mentioned. Two fairly common reasons for this that I have observed/experienced in various degrees are:

A Messiah Complex - Pastor, you are not Jesus, really. I know you know that, but we all need to remind ourselves of that. We cannot meet every need, heal every wound and accomodate every request. We are merely instruments in God's hands. He doesn't need us, but gracefully chooses to use us. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step aside and refuse to come to the rescue so that a person has nowhere else to go but Jesus (which is the best place they can go).

People pleasing - Some thrive on the approval of others and some fear the disapproval of others. Whatever the root, people pleasing is bad for you and your ministry. It is helpful to remind ourselves that we serve people but we seek to please God. It is even more important to remember that we already have God's approval because of what Jesus has done not what we do. When we rest in that it is easier to serve people according to their needs than our need for approval.

The more we focus on Jesus and the less we focus on ourselves, the less these issues will trip us up and keep us from resting our bodies AND souls.

Pastor, get your calendar under control!

  One of the reasons many in ministry cannot rest is their calendar is out of control! Here is the bottom line, if you don't control your calendar then circumstances and other people will. And I can guarantee you that things that are important to you (like rest) won't always make the cut. So here are some thoughts on getting your calendar under control:

• Put everything important on your calendar. Not only meetings, but other important things like prayer time, sermon prep time, leadership development, etc. The most important things we do must go on the calendar first and only then can we negotiate the remainder of our time. (Otherwise little things will eat up our time and then we'll find that we have to cut in to rest time to get the essential things done)
• Keep your calendar consistent. This helps you establish a rhythm of work, but also makes clear to you, your staff and congregation when you are and are not available. For example, I used to take a day off "when I could." That was a terrbile strategy because a) without a plan I often never got a day off and b) since others didn't know my time off they would call whenever (which of course often happened to be that random day off)
• Plan in advance -Having things like series, sermons, events, etc. on the calendar far in advance helps you feel more rested in general (because you're not always scrambling for what's next) but also allows you to build in sufficient rest time.
• Put you vacation time on the calendar. -Plan way in advance the time you will take off and take it! You and your family will appreciate (especially during busy seasons) that rest is around the corner. It will actually help you push yourself a little harder when you need to and give you and your spouse something to look forward to.
• Learn to say no. Most people will respect your time boundaries, but some will not. If you don't protect your time, then nobody will. Of course this doesn't mean we are inflexible. Recently, someone in our church died and I canceled my plans for my day off to spend a good chunk of time with his family (which of course was the right thing to do). However, every marriage fight, need for counsel, request for a meeting is not an emergency and should be scheduled within your regular work calendar. You must let people know when they request time on your day(s) off that you are unavailable and suggest another time. If you don't you are cheating your family, and you won't get the rest you need to make it for the long haul.

Tomorrow I'll dig deeper on that last point since so many pastors seem to struggle with that.

Take it easy, pastor! Pt. 1

If you're a pastor I probaby have very little to teach you about the Sabbath . However, in my observation and my experience it is apparent to me that many of us in ministry are not personally applying this principle and getting sufficient rest. Unless that gets corrected, many in ministry now simply won't be there for the long haul.

Sidebar: Let's be honest, the opposite issue is also a problem for some pastors -laziness. Now that we've acknowledged that is a problem for some let's save that for another day and focus on the flip side of the coin.

For the first year of planting our church (Calvary Fellowship, West Hartford), I hurt my walk with God, my family and all other relationships because I didn't get enough rest. I had left fulltime ministry and worked a fulltime job while getting our new church off the ground. In my resource "How to Survive Your First Year of Planting a Church" I describe this in more detail and what I did to turn that around. But I mention it to acknowledge, I have been guilty of not taking God seriously about getting proper rest. And to a certain extent, I still deal with this challenge.

How about you? How are you doing in this area? Being tired at the end of a hard day's work is a good thing, but feeling like you might fall apart at an moment is a very dangerous place to be. If you aren't resting, what is holding you back?

Having introduced this thought, I'll be posting over the next few days some of the barriers pastors face to getting proper rest and some thoughts/strategies on how to overcome them. Feel free to share your insights/experience too!

Weekly Mind Dump 5.22.11

• Desmond Tutu came to our town to speak right before a peace walk this weekend. I was very moved that our community so longs for peace, but burdened for our them to open their eyes and see the God who who can bring that peace.
• Apparently the rapture didn't happen...good thing I didn't blow off sermon prep on Thursday and see Thor in 3D like I was tempted to!
• My witty banter about the rapture at church didn't get captured because the first couple minutes didn't get recorded (grrr), but you can hear the rest here: "Entering His Rest" (how we can keep the sabbath).
• Speaking of rest, I'm going to a series of posts on my blog this week about how pastors can stay rested for the long haul in ministry (as someone who came close to burning out, I can attest to how important this is!).
• The highlight of my weekend was watching 2 of my daughters in their first dance recital; they both did great and Lily seems to have a natural, striking stage presence already at age 5 (click here to see the video).
• So excited to go to our Newcomers' Potluck tonight; this one of my favorite events! The staff and I get to meet all the new folks at Calvary, share a bit about the vision of our church and of course, enjoy some delicious food!

Don't let your church get ripped off

 A big mistake many churches make is not having enough checks and balances.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” (Matthew 10:16, NKJV)

Church accounting isn’t just about checks and balance sheets, it must also include a plan of checks and balances to make sure there is accountability in the financial process. By nature those of us that are part of the inner workings of a church generally want to trust people. Especially other people who are also working inside the church. And we should trust people, but that does not mean that we should be foolish or negligent in providing a plan for accountability. A good shepherd uses accountability and a plan of checks and balances to provide protection not only for the church finances, but also for the people assigned to oversee the church’s financial matters.

My wife Rebecca served as an accountant for a very large church for several years that occasionally dispatched her to other smaller churches that needed help, and for several CPA firms that specialized in church accounting.  In that time, she witnessed first hand what can happen when proper checks and balances are not in place. She saw a church where it was eventually discovered that the lead pastor had several secret bank accounts, and he basically treated the church’s money as his own; as evidenced by the excessive improvements made to the parsonage! She saw another church where the treasurer for many years had been embezzling money that reached close to one million dollars!

In the report "The Top 3 Accounting Mistakes Churches Make" we discuss several checks and balances you need to put in place to safeguard your church, and 2 other big mistakes churches make (and solutions). If you are a pastor or you deal with finances in your church, click here to get the FREE report now!

Weekly Mind Dump 5.15.11

• Crazy week!
• A new resource was released that Bob Franquiz and I got to collaborate on called "Ministering in the Hard Places." -I'm very happy with how it turned out.
• Speaking of Bob I got to spend some time with him and John Solaroli (both of Calvary Fellowship Miami) this week as they came into my neck of the woods to spend a day with Tim Keller and a small group of guys (I am happy for them and jealous at the same time about that by the way)
• Thursday I was hit with the sad news that Barry, a guy that has been part of Calvary for 5 of our 6 years suddenly went home to be with the Lord. This hit me pretty hard. Barry was gregarious, fun and funny and his laughter filled any room. Every week he gave me the biggest bear hug you can imagine and whispered "I love you, pastor." I already miss him.
• Friday was my wife Rebecca's birthday. For one of her presents, I made her upset...I am so fortunate that she puts up with me!
• I felt that I didn't deliver today's message very well, but many people shared encouraging feedback and one woman even wrote "one of the best sermons I've heard, ever" on her Connection Card. So I'm going to assume that the Holy Spirit more than compensated for my weakness today (as He tends to do).
• Today I am listening to some Jimmy Buffet and rooting for the Red Sox...only for you would I do either of those things, Barry! :)

Is it Wrong to Target Christians?

(Here is my guest post that appeared on Bob Franquiz's blog yesterday)

When I left South Florida and returned to my home state of Connecticut to plant Calvary Fellowship in West Hartford, I had a solid conviction: We're going after lost people and we aren't interested in reaching Christians. My thinking has expanded on this point!

Let me explain. The reason I didn't want to go after Christians is we wanted to catch fish, not swap sheep. I felt there was no value added to God's kingdom by stealing sheep from already churched people. I still believe that (and still find it distasteful and undesirable to try to lure people from other churches), but what I discovered is that just because people already believe in Christ, it does not mean they are already part of a healthy church.

In fact, through the course of newcomers' potlucks and some one-on-one conversations, I discovered there were people that had moved to our area and had been searching in vain for weeks, months and even years for a home church (yes years...many of them). This was especially true if they had come from an area in the south or in Southern California for instance, that offered them a variety of great churches to choose from. Many of these people moved to our area for a significant job promotion, only to discover how spiritually desolate our area is and how few good church options there are to choose from.

What I have come to discover is it is not only fair, but it is also very wise to go after these "new movers" (as we call them) if you are in a difficult area to reach. Here are a few reasons for that:

• They want and need a church family to belong to (Christians need discipleship, fellowship and encouragement; your church can be a place of refuge and refueling for them)
• They often add much needed wisdom and maturity to offer the locals you are reaching
• They add critical mass to your body (seekers are going to feel weird and uncomfortable at a mostly empty church service)
• They already know of the responsibilities required of a Christian like giving and serving that are vital to the sustainability of a church (new converts are wonderful and necessary, but they don't get this right away)
• They expand the number of people committed to accomplishing God's mission for your church (though you have to be very intentional to cast vision and help them see that they now live in a wide open mission field to be salt and light in)

Reaching "new movers" should never be done in place of reaching non-believers, but in addition to it. And once they become a part of your church, they need to join you in reaching out to the natives. But God loves these people, and wants these disenfranchised believers connected to a church family. Especially in an area that is tough to reach, a wise pastor will not only warmly welcome new movers, but will also intentionally pursue them.

In the new resource "Ministering in the Hard Places" that Bob Franquiz and I collaborated on, we expand on this point and reveal some specific strategies for reaching new movers that have been very effective for us. We also get into some other contrarian ideas about how to be effective in difficult areas to reach. If you're ministering in a hard place, you should check it out! (You can save $20 on Ministering in the Hard Places by using the coupon code hardplaces during checkout.)