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How to Survive Your First Year of Planting a Church

I'd like to introduce you to a resource that will be very helpful to you if you're just getting started in church planting.

I knew planting a church was going to be hard, but I didn’t know it would be THAT hard! Don’t get me wrong, I had a clear vision from God, I had a calling from God, I had faith, but there were some things I just wasn’t prepared for.  In this Sharp Churches resource I discuss the three most difficult challenges I faced, and the changes I had to make in our first year to survive and thrive.

• How do you balance your schedule so you have enough time to invest in your young church AND your family?
• How do you deal with the unmet expectations of yourself and others?
• How do you overcome the money deficit so that your church is properly funded?

These topics and more are covered as I shares the three biggest challenges I faced in our first year of planting Calvary Fellowship and how I worked through them in this MP3 download.

A small secret to staying encouraged in ministry

If you aren't receiving criticism and experiencing any discouragement in ministry, I am pretty sure you might be doing something wrong. Seriously, ministry can be exhilarating one moment and devastating the next; it is filled with high highs and low lows. The highs may have a few pitfalls, but they are fairly easy to manage, but the lows can wipe us out and send us packing if we are not careful.

That is why I so appreciate the wise advice an old pastor gave me when I first entered vocational ministry. He told me to start an encouragement file. Every kind note or thoughtful letter, or basically anything encouraging goes in this file. And then every time you get a highly critical email, whenever you preach a lousy sermon, when people leave your church, when things seem stuck or you just feel discouraged, it is time to open the encouragement file.

It is amazing what those notes can do and the perspective they can add when you're down in the ministry dumps. I now have an electronic encouragement folder where I keep emails from people that inspire/encourage me as well as a physical folder. And I can tell you, when I have felt totally defeated and deflated, God has used the contents in these folders to help me keep pressing on even when I don't feel like it.

So my encouragement to you -start your own encouragement folder(s) today!

 

Weekly Mind Dump 6.26.11

• This week I drove up to Cambride, MA, to meet Pastor Dave from the Boston Vineyard. I've heard great things about them since our church started and I've been looking forward to meeting him. I had a great time, learned a lot and took some good notes!
• I've found that we can learn from anyone God places in our paths, but sometimes we need to intentionally go out of our way to learn from people who already are where we are trying to go.
• I bought my first comic book in 2 decades this week; "The Death of Peter Parker." I read it and it was lame actually. I hope it shoots up in value to justify the 4 copies I bought!
• I saw the "Adjustment Bureau" on Friday. A wonderful story of an Arminian in a Calvinist world whose free will becomes predestined.
• Lily my 5 year old got her ears pierced yesterday...so brave!
• Today at church I covered the 8th Commandment in a message called "Stop, Thief!" (the photo with the post is of my daughter Ava referenced in the intro).
• Said message lead to me deleting a lot of music in my library this week.
• I am so thrilled that another person came to Jesus at our church service today. It never gets old!
• This Wednesday I am teaching Bob Franquiz's "21st Century Outreach Strategies." If you are a NE pastor, you should check it out!

Let's talk about sex

Let's be honest, there are probably issues easier to preach about than sex (including giving, Hell and worldwide suffering), but it is very necessary! There is so much sexual brokenness in our world and in our churches that the gospel is fully able to address when given the chance. I had several parents of teenagers thank me after teaching about it because I provided them an opportunity to have further discussions with their kids.

Here was my best effort at it from this past Sunday -and it is one more reason we don't let kids in our worship services!

"Sex and the Scriptures" from Calvary Fellowship on Vimeo.

Why people really leave our churches Pt. 3 ("The people aren't friendly")

The second biggest reason people often give for leaving a church is a lack of meaningul relationships as expressed in terms like "the church is not friendly."

In yesterday's post we dug under the surface of what it means when people say "I'm not being fed," so today let's try to see what is underneath this second reason:

"The people aren't friendly"

I think there is a biblical principle that can help us with this:

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly...” (Proverbs 18:24a)

 I believe there is a responsibility on the part of a church collectively and a responsibility on the part of the individual. So when people say "the people aren't friendly" they are really reporting a breakdown of relational responsibility on one or both sides.

Let's consider where some of that breakdown may be occurring:

The church may not be intentionally friendly. Most churches have nice people in them, but there are churches which intentionally welcome people and others that do not. In my experience churches must work hard to very intentionally create a culture that is very friendly to guests. Otherwise, the experiences of guests will vary wildly depending upon whether they happened to bump into friendly people or got shut out by cliques.

The church may not offer opportunities for relationships to be built. We have several key areas where we try to facilitate this. Every Sunday after service we provide free refreshments so people will have an excuse and an incentive to stick around and build relationships. We offer and strongly promote Home Fellowships (small groups) so people can gather in smaller settings and learn, talk with, pray for and encourage one another. We also challenge everyone to get involved in serving where they are placed in teams working alonside others and getting to know them.

The individual isn't being friendly. Relationships work both ways. So if a person comes to church, always looks mad, keeps people at a distance, and isolates themselves they will have trouble connecting at church or in any social setting. Futher, if someone comes to service and leaves right afterwards they are unlikely to make connections that could eventually lead to meaningful relationships.

The individual isn't taking advantage of opportunities offered. We have found that if a person doesn't serve or isn't involved in a small group then they normally won't stick at the church longer than 6 months on average, even if they really like the Sunday services. After all, church is supposed to be a family. And if you don't have any sense of connection with anyone around you, it is pretty hard to feel like you belong and you are loved.

So we must challenge our culture and systems to make sure we are being friendly and providing opportunities for relationships to begin and to be cultivated.

We must also challenge and encourage people to take advantage of the relationship building opportunities we offer because relationships always require mutual investment.

Why people really leave our churches Pt. 2 ("I'm not being fed.")

In yesterday's post I introduced the top 2 reasons people give when leaving our churches. The first one is "I'm not being fed." What does that even mean?!? What we as pastors believe it means is probably different than what the person saying it believes. Yesterday I mentioned why it is valuable to dig below the surface to get to the real meaning so let's do that.

"I'm not being fed."

Why do people say that?

It could mean, they really are not being fed. In other words we as pastors have to examine ourselves and ask if our preaching is accessible enough to the seeker and new believer, but also deep enough for the more mature believer. Honestly, there is some weak preaching out there, and we need to examine ourselves and remain committed to reject that in our churches.

It could mean they are not exercising. Are people applying what they are learning? I believe when people say they are not being fed it really means they do not feel spiritually healthy. And since nobody likes to blame themselves (pastors included) it is easier to blame someone else and say "I'm not being fed!" This is why every week I challenge people not just to hear God's word but also to heed it by taking next steps. It is amazing how proper eating and exercising promotes good health physically AND spiritually!

It could mean we are not equipping people to feed themselves. The best gourmet meal I might eat today won't sustain me all week long! We all need to eat regularly to stay healthy and energetic, and this is also true spiritually. So in addition to telling people they need to feed themselves regularly,  are we also training them HOW to do it by teaching such spritual disciplines as "how to do a devotion" or "how to study the Bible personally?" We need to serve good fish dinners AND teach people how to fish!

It could mean that people are eating junk food instead of healthy food. This could mean that people are watching cotton candy junkfood on Christian TV or just watching junk altogether that entertains the soul, but does not feed their spirit. If this is happening, they will indeed not be being fed, and once again the pastor will often be identified as the culprit.

It could mean that people don't connect with your preaching. Not much you can do here -different strokes for different folks. (Assuming you have the gift of teaching and always bring your personal best).

It could mean that people are unfairly comparing you to the best megachurch pastor on their podcast. Here they need to cut you some slack and realize not everyone is Tim Keller or Andy Stanley. Maybe we can introduce them to some really bad podcasts so they'll appreciate us. Feel free to send them mine. :)

It could mean that there are other issues in your church going on that they don't really want to address. Conflict with others or frustration with bad systems can interfere with peoples' receptivity to good preaching. That is why a good exit conversation can be very helpful.

It could also mean that there is an issue going on in their personal lives that they don't really want to address and maybe you're hitting too close to home.

I don't have it all figured out, but I do believe that when someone tells us they aren't being fed it is not really an answer a much as it is an opportunity for exploration that could lead to great growth on both sides. What do YOU think?

Tomorrow I'll dig underneath the second reason people give for leaving a church.

Why people really leave our churches Pt. 1

If a bunch of pastors were competing on the Family Feud and the topic was, "Reasons people give for leaving your church" the #1 answer would definitely be "I'm not being fed." A distant, but somewhat consistent second would probably be "A lack of meaningful relationships." If you are a pastor, you know what I'm talking about, because these reasons are almost what we come to expect when people tell us they're leaving.

The immediate tendency (or at least temptation) for pastors is to dismiss the individuals leaving as "professional church shoppers" or something of the sort. However, that isn't always true. Sometimes, people that were around for awhile, that have even been committed in various seasons, and that have made significant contributions in various ways, leave and give the very same reasons.

It is easier to be be dismissive of people when they leave your church, because (if we are real honest) it is hurtful to us. But it is more helpful to them and to you to be inquisitive; to dig underneath their stated concerns and to attempt to discern the real reason(s) for their departure. Here is why:

1. It can reveal areas of improvement for your church. Sometimes the person is right in identifying a problem (even if they are wrong in the way they are handling it).
2. It can help you disciple the person leaving if you can offer a well-reasoned, gentle challenge if the problem exists with them. They probably won't stay, but at least you've planted some seeds in their hearts and minds that might help them adjust better at their next church.
3. It can help you retain and better serve more people if you fix any issues that are hurting your church.  Especially if you anticipate mindsets and patterns that people can fall into and warn people about them in advance, while they're still happy with your church!

Over the next couple days I'll drill down on the top two reasons people give for leaving a church and explore the real issues underneath.

Weekly Mind Dump 6.19.11 (Fathers' Day Edition)

• I was very excited that churchleaders.com published my first article on their site this past week AND I was surprised some got so worked up over it! Check it out here.
• Rebecca and I went on a date Friday and saw "Paris at Midnight." It was interesting, but a bit pretentious and self absorbed and it reminded me why I normally avoid Woody Allen films. BTW: Rebecca and I knew we were in trouble when the theater was full and we were the youngest people there!
• Next time I'll have to sell X-Men as a Ro-Com a bit harder!
• I taught a message on the 7th Commandment today called "Sex and the Scriptures." Sex is always a bit uncomfortable to teach about, but with bad information about it hitting us on all sides, we HAVE to talk at church about what God has to say about it. (You can listen to the message here).
• Lots of feedback after the message; the best comment was made by a guy who told me he and his wife had to run home and apply the message.
• Rebecca, my awesome Proverbs 31 wife, used our credit card points (sorry Dave Ramsey), to get me a new grill for Fathers' Day and I am now a grilling machine! Mmm...MEAT!
• My Dad died when I was six years old. Many years later Fathers' Day is still a hard day for me, but over time I am learning to love this day as my focus changes.
• There are three very special little girls that have helped bring incredible joy to me on Fathers' Day. I love them so much and am privileged that they call me Daddy!

Live Outreach Seminar in West Hartford, CT!

REPOST from Bob Franquiz:

For those of you not in the New England area, feel free to skip this post.

For those of you who are in or near the New England area, my good  friend Bill LaMorey is going to be leading a 21st Century Outreach Strategies Seminar in West Hartford, CT on Wednesday, June 29th from 10AM-Noon.

Bill has taken the principles that I’ve taught in this seminar and applied them to his own church and seen fantastic results.

He is a great guy to learn from because he is actually doing it in the New England area.

You can register and/or get more seminar details here.

When: Wednesday June 29th from 10AM-12PM
Where: Calvary Fellowship
1245 Farmington Ave
Suite #202
West Hartford, CT

P.S. You can save $10 on your registration by using the coupon code 21century. Register here

I love seeing such passion about ministering to children!

In case you missed it, churchleaders.com featured an article I wrote yesterday called "Why We Don't Permit Children in Our Worship Service." It created quite a stir!

Most of the commentators actually disagreed with me (though there were more "likes" of the article on Facebook than there were negative comments). Some agreed. Most did respectfully.

What I am thrilled about isn't whether people agree or disagree with me or our church's approach. I am thrilled that people are being thoughtful, prayerful and intentional about the best ways to disciple the next generations of Christ followers!

If you want to read the article, read the comments, or weigh in yourself, you can check it out here!