If a bunch of pastors were competing on the Family Feud and the topic was, "Reasons people give for leaving your church" the #1 answer would definitely be "I'm not being fed." A distant, but somewhat consistent second would probably be "A lack of meaningful relationships." If you are a pastor, you know what I'm talking about, because these reasons are almost what we come to expect when people tell us they're leaving.
The immediate tendency (or at least temptation) for pastors is to dismiss the individuals leaving as "professional church shoppers" or something of the sort. However, that isn't always true. Sometimes, people that were around for awhile, that have even been committed in various seasons, and that have made significant contributions in various ways, leave and give the very same reasons.
It is easier to be be dismissive of people when they leave your church, because (if we are real honest) it is hurtful to us. But it is more helpful to them and to you to be inquisitive; to dig underneath their stated concerns and to attempt to discern the real reason(s) for their departure. Here is why:
- It can reveal areas of improvement for your church. Sometimes the person is right in identifying a problem (even if they are wrong in the way they are handling it).
- It can help you disciple the person leaving if you can offer a well-reasoned, gentle challenge if the problem exists with them. They probably won't stay, but at least you've planted some seeds in their hearts and minds that might help them adjust better at their next church.
- It can help you retain and better serve more people if you fix any issues that are hurting your church. Especially if you anticipate mindsets and patterns that people can fall into and warn people about them in advance, while they're still happy with your church!
Over the next couple days I'll drill down on the top two reasons people give for leaving a church and explore the real issues underneath.
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