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Processing the "moral failure" of Bob Coy

There have been some great posts written by Christian leaders reminding us of the dangers of sin, the need for accountability and so forth. I appreciate them all and think they're valuable, I'm just not there yet. I'm raw and I'm wrecked. And so are a lot of people I talk to about this.

I first showed up at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale in 1993 with a snotty attitude, a dislike/distrust for churches, and a heroin addiction; I was the full package. I came at the repeated pleas of my mother, fully convinced I'd hate it. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed it. Bob Coy was winsome, wise, and funny. I liked him, even if I didn't agree with what he was saying. And the "wild life" that he once lived (that is currently dominating the news cycle about him) actually was appealing rather than repulsive to me. It immediately made him relatable and gave me a strange sense of hope.

Fast forwarding the story, here are just some of the key moments of my life that happened at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale under the leadership of Bob Coy:

• I redicated my life to Jesus
• My drug habit was eradicated
• I met my best friends
• I attended/graduated from Calvary Chapel's Bible College extention campus
• I met my wife and married her
• I began working there in fulltime ministry
• I officiated the wedding of my Mom and her husband
• I was inspired to eventually plant the church I now lead

You get the picture. Bob's failure wasn't just a "that's a shame" moment for me. My heart is aching and my head is spinning because my world has been rocked. If you were part of CCFL then you understand, but if not think of it like this.

You can move out from your parent's house, but there is a sense of safety and security in knowing that at any time you can go back and experience the warm familiarity of the home you grew up in. But if you found out Mom or Dad were getting a divorce everything is suddenly thrown into a tailspin. Nothing will ever be the same as it once was during your formative years. That's how I feel.

To be more precise, I've realized I'm mourning. Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale isn't dead and I believe it will survive and go on to thrive, but the reality is things can never be the same. And I am mourning the loss of the familiar family environment as well as the loss of my greatest spiritual role model.

Why is this revelation of mourning helpful to me and possibly you? Because it helps provide insight, direction and hope even as my heart aches and my head keeps spinning.

Consider the 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial -My first reaction when I heard the new about Bob on Saturday night? I went to see Captain American with my wife. Carnal? Maybe. Honestly, I didn't want to process it and I didn't know how to start. Many are in denial about what happened. That's why people are making comments saying, "Come back, Pastor Bob!" It hasn't fully sunken in for many.

2. Anger -This hasnt been my core reaction yet, but I've talked to several people that are furious. While I'm not in anger now, I understand it. And you're not wrong if you feel that way.

3. Bargaining -Some are trying to negotiate how Bob Can return. "What if...". The sad truth is Bob Coy will probably never return to CCFL and that's a tough pill to swallow. (Read my friend Bob Franquiz's post for some excellent insight into this & the whole situation.)

4. Depression -This is where I'm parked right now. I feel like I'm being slapped in face over and over but I just don't have the energy or desire to block the shots right now. In fact I keep Googling the story inviting more blows. I know I'm not alone here.

5. Acceptance -Eventually we accept reality the way it now is. The wound heals, the scars remains and we move on stronger and wiser.

Here are some thoughts on processing:

1. Press into what you're feeling, don't bury it. You need to heal, which first means you need to feel.
2. The stages aren't linear. You will go through all of them sometimes all in a day or even an hour. You can't just check each off a list, which is especially hard for guys.
3. Share your journey. -Talk to God and the people you love about what you're going through. Mourning is meant to happen in community. Tears, laughter, angry shouts...don't do it alone.
4. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Men will fail you and you will fail men, but Christ will never fail. God loves you, Bob Coy, Calvary Fort Lauderale, and he isn't done with any of us yet.
5. If you weren't close to the church please give some grace and space for people to go through these stages; it really is harder for us than you can imagine. We need your prayers.

I hope this provides some hope/help to my fellow brothers and sisters still trying to process it all. We are mourning. It isn't a fun place to be, but it is where we are. And God is meeting us here.

“Better to go to the house of mourning Than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.” (Ecclesiastes 7:2–4, NKJV)

 

 

What I'm giving up for Lent, why I'm doing it, and why you should consider it too (REPOST)

UPDATE: I posted this for Lent last year. This year, Lent begins on 2/22, and I have chosen to give up 1) all forms of desserts/sweets & 2 ) Rock/Heavy Metal this time.

Fat Tuesday will definitely include lots of Maiden and some Ben & Jerry's...

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Next Wednesday (3.9.11) is Ash Wednesday, and that triggers the season of Lent on the Christian Calendar. Lent is a 40-day period designed to prepare our hearts as we anticipate Easter, and the resurrection of Jesus that we celebrate on that day. In the tradition of Lent each believer gives up something important to them that involves some level of sacrifice. The idea is that every time we would normally do whatever we gave up or whenever we strongly desire to, we instead identify with Jesus’ far greater sacrifice for us and we focus on God in prayer and reflection.

In the church I came to faith in, Lent was never really mentioned or practiced. As a result, it wasn’t until last year that I observed this season. I talked about that and why I believe it is a good idea for all of us to observe Lent in a message called “Remember the Time…?” If you don't know much about Lent, I would highly encourage you to listen to this message (because it goes into more detail than I can get into in this context) and consider whether or not this is something you would like to be a part of. I strongly believe observance of Lent will greatly deepen your intimacy with Jesus and your appreciation for His sacrifice for us if you do.

If you do decide to observe Lent, the big question is always “WHAT do I give up?”.  As a bit of a media junkie I gave up Facebook and talk radio last year. This year I am giving up TV and movies; pray for me!!! You can give up anything you feel led to; the key is it has to be a bit of a sacrifice (which is why I couldn’t go with country music). If you decide to observe Lent this year, please post a comment letting me know what you’re giving up so I can pray for you too.

Penn: If you believe in God, you should tell people about Him!

When I first came to town to start Calvary Fellowship, I met some "ministers" who looked down upon me because we were evangelical (a dirty word here to many). I honestly was taken back, because I had never considered for a minute that there was an alternative to Christians being for evangelism,proselytizing or whatever you want to call it. If you believe in God, devil, Heaven, Hell, etc., then why in the world would you NOT tell other people?!?

This past Sunday I recast the vision to our church that we need to be all about sharing the good news of Jesus Christ to "lost" people. Despite my best efforts, a well-know atheist (Penn Jillette) made a better case for why Christians should evangelize and how they should do it than I did as he recounts an experience with a man who reached out to him.

Forget tolerance, political correctness...whatever. We have a great message that the world needs to hear (their souls hinge on it), we should not hesitate to share it! Penn has a great message for us, we should not hesitate to hear it!

Verhoeven is a wimp

So the internet is buzzing over the fact that "Basic Instinct" director Paul Verhoeven is making a movie about Jesus with  shocking assertions like Jesus was the product of rape rather than a virgin birth. Yes, this is extremely offensive, but I for one am not going to get all worked up about it because it's a stupid and baseless claim.

Not only that it's cowardly. Maybe he thinks it's bold, because he knows full well how up in arms the Christian community will get. Yeah we'll shout, we'll blog, we'll protest, but that's about it. If he really has some chuzpa let's see him direct a film about Mohammed with equally irreverant and shocking claims. That would take some real guts. I double-dog dare you, Paul!